Recently in Nosh Category

I was at the library the other day multitasking.
Because that's what libraries are for, right?

Writing recipes, looking for design inspiration while simultaneously reading TITANIC TRUCKS to the boy running through the stacked aisles. I was beginning to think that a vacation might be something to consider when all of the sudden books started screaming and jumping off the shelves -- dangerously missing my head... I grabbed Will and dove under the nearest table. The piles of books surrounded us as one manuscript fell open at my knees... it was Poe, "I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect, between the disaster and the atrocity." It was then that I realized that something needed to be done immediately... Because I have reached the final point, and this is it. I am dangerously approaching the end of my blogging quota.

Visualize this to be like filling a water balloon to capacity or eating copious amounts of McDonald's like this guy did a few years ago... only to result in weight gain, heart disease, ulcers and bad skin.... because what did he think was going to happen? I wonder if he wishes that he could go back and undo -- kind of like going back and picking through - deleting the bad blog posts while copying and saving the good ones for republishing possibilities... revitalizing the QUOTA. But oh the HUMANITY.

I started For the Birds on August 22, 2008. It was a slow start... and, although I never intended for this blog to turn into what it is now... it has been a journey like no other... similar to swimming across the Atlantic or leaving the space shuttle mid-universe to test out that gravity theory... floating aimlessly into DEEP SPACE. And if you know what this blog is about, then you're a hair-slight more genius than I, because I lost track a LOOOONG time ago. But I am missing the point.

What I am trying to inch out there is that I am now starting the tedious task of going back, judging myself and then deciding who gets to stay and who gets to go hang out at the pearly gates of archival heaven. But what do you think? If you are here, reading this right now -- If you wouldn't mind turning time off for a few minutes and letting me know if there are any posts that must stay live... Because beyond self-inflicted torture, I am my own souvenir. And I'm sure that isn't the first time I've said that.   

How are you?

I've been thinking about our conversation -- about how you think that Picasso wasn't really a bad guy, he just had commitment issues, and I really have to disagree with your juxtaposition on the Tiger Woods matter -- but you are entitled to your opinion. Is it at all possible that the Olympics have gone to your well frosted head? Too much up close and personal?  Or are you just intimidated by Z-Germans? Because although they are undeniably günter höhne, I suspect they might be all talk and no show. But that's just me.

You know what else IS me? Closing one company and opening another in a span of three weeks... with a 2 year old sitting on my lap, while I design logos with one eye and bake dairy and egg free chocolate cupcakes with the other. Literally. And, as I look out the window I see glops of white starting to mix in with the monsoon. With one office half moved out and the other half moved in and décor resources beginning to haunt. Because Martha I am not, and I'm kinda happy about that. But what about you, Cupcake?

Enough about me. Let's talk about you.

How was your trip to Egypt and your journey to the center of the earth? Was it anything like the movie? And what did you and The Queen talk about? Did you dazzle her with your experience as Gordon Sumner's Sommelier... The Peace keeping battle where you carried Bono to the sidelines in what you panicked to be near death--only to realize that it was nothing but a drunken stupor? Or did you just go on and on about America's Next Top Model like you usually do? You really should allow yourself to take credit for all that you have accomplished... I mean you are only 20 minutes old -- and I know this is just touching on half of the story.

There was the time that Lloyd Dobler stood in the rain in anguish over his broken heart... gripping his pen? One can only assume. But, dear Cupcake, the point of my letter is getting lost in the fodder of "where are we now"? Because to come full circle would require more than a burning flag, James Joyce and the Easter Bunny. No. We need something much stronger and more organized... Something to inject life into the icing on top... Something with promise and compassion... Something for completion... with texture. Beyond all cause, and hold off the guard...before I start to make sense... Because, we need sprinkles.   

While folding laundry last night, in my pajamas at 7:30pm, the phone rang - it was Amy's Carpet Cleaners wanting to know if they could come over and steam my carpets...

Ordinarily my response would have cut them off at hello and snapped "TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALLER LIST" but I wasn't feeling quite like myself so I listened to his shpeal and then politely said, thank you but we don't have any carpets. He said oh, okay thanks good bye. I felt a little dizzy and hung up the phone when an overwhelming sense of calm poured over me. Almost like none of it matters anyway so why are you so stressed out? And then it hit me -- that wasn't the Amy's Carpet Guy - that was REALITY calling. The Amy's Carpet Guy was really a supreme being that felt my vibrations of WHY IS THIS ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME and decided to soar in before possible disaster. Because aside from all things career not happening -- everything else is. Since New Year's day a mountain of STUFF found our little lives and thought - hey, yeah, cool. And of course, most of it we've done to ourselves - the house, the blogs, the diet changes, the routine change of eating dinner with Will at 5:30 instead of boozing until 10 and ordering pizza.. well, not quite boozing -- but do you know how fast time flies between 6 & 10 PM? For the first 2 years of Will's life we've been so happy that he goes to bed successfully by 7:30 that we've partied like rock stars for a few hours after... But that isn't all. Will decided, with the event of the New Year, to stop napping in the mornings and, instead wait until after lunch... which is totally fine except that now I have to get everything done errand and house wise with him before noon -- which means that I have to go out. Which means that PEOPLE WILL SEE ME in the morning... which means that now I have to think about that the pile of clothes on my closet floor first thing in the morning instead of around lunch time.

But I can't even go into the torture of what does this all MEAN?!?! Not to mention that the word "shpeal" is in the Urban Dictionary and is defined - someone's repeated talk jabber. mainly BS.... Which insists that the Amy's Carpet Guy was just some guy at a phone center trying to make an extra buck since cigarettes apparently cost $9.00 a pack. And then there's real life out there making me feel bad every time I look up - whining about routine changes and dirty clothes when real disasters ARE REALLY HAPPENING and all I want to do is watch the Food Network so thank goodness Bobby Flay decided to kick some ass and put it back on Cablevision. Can you imagine how mad he gets?

In short, because you know this has to end eventually, the earth might be on this whole rotation thing around the sun because it's used to spinning on an axis in the atmosphere... but just wait until it decides to start bouncing up and down instead... because it just MIGHT.

So...while I was busy planning our spring garden, taking on a huge house renovation, designing a logo for a new Southampton shopping center, chasing after the two year old, buying dog food, making dinner, doing laundry and hiding from reality -- I finally took the initiative and started another blog. Because, you know - I needed something else to keep myself busy. I needed just ONE MORE THING to over complicate the fact that all of my clothes are on my closet floor - and I don't care. One more task to add to the list -- right next to finding my inner light and saving the world. You know...

Because here's the thing. I can't stop.

http://willskitchen.com

Yesterday I was first in line at a stop light in my huge SUV. Next to me there was a Hampton Jitney bus -- if you are not familiar, they are the same as Greyhound buses but slightly more rotund and totally oblivious to any other vehicles on the road. So, I'm at this light waiting patiently... thinking about the goods I just purchased for the afternoon BAKING session... along with a creeping OCD panic that the BUS was about to fall on me -- PLEASE -- LIGHT TURN GREEN...  So when the light turns green - I begin to inch forward in an attempt to pass the bus before an upcoming merge when from out of nowhere a VERIZON phone company truck runs the intersection's red light and misses me by a hair... gasping, I swerve into the Hampton Bays Diner parking lot... glancing up only to catch the VERIZON driver giving me the finger and laughing wildly like some swamp yankee cowboy riding a bronco.

After catching my breath... I grasped the wheel firmly and thought... If these Allergen Free Chocolate Chips let me down SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY.

Because, here's the thing. Baking and cooking without eggs or milk or anything containing the two is not only new to me, but it is almost uncharted territory all together. There are a few cookbooks out there and I'm slowly making my way through them... but what I've noticed is that all of the recipes, thus far, are somewhat off the mark. For example... one recipe that we make quite frequently calls for 1/4 cup of water and notes that "you probably won't need the whole 1/4 cup"... If this were accurate... you'd need teeth of steel to bite through the result... adding more... you actually need more like 2 cups. Another calls for 2 cups of lard vegetable shortening.. when, in an attempt to lighten the hockey puck to resemble a cookie -- 1/4 cup works like a charm. But that isn't all... and this might just be me being me, but aside from NOT TESTING THE RECIPES before publishing... only a handful of these books are nicely designed. If I'm going to take you seriously as a cookbook... show me the food. IN COLOR. Leave the clip art over there in the craft corner where it belongs... THIS IS FOOD. TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

So - before all of this... when I was picking up my first dairy/egg/nut free guide to life I thought - This will be GREAT! And then it wasn't... So I turned to the Vegetarians & Vegans and thought YES - but then No. So now... standing in a sea of half-baked attempts of others, I realize that these aren't guidebooks... these are just suggestions. I might just have to take my shoes off and roam the snow-filled streets on my own... spatula and sifter in hand... Maybe the Verizon Truck Driver would have thought twice had he known my plight. 

I have decided to stop ingesting dairy and eggs.

And, I use the term "ingesting" loosely because I am not doing this for any moral reason.... I'm selfishly just doing this for myself. Completely hypocritical, maybe, yes--definitely... but also completely in sync with the trends that motivate me. I came to this decision after months and months of scientific research in quest of a cure for my son's allergies to dairy and eggs. As it turns out, there isn't a cure--and there probably never will be. There is also varied and limited, although growing, resources and theories surrounding food allergies... A LOT of finger pointing and not a lot of fixing. But what I did find... politics, politicians, chemicals, antibody killing hormones, GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOODS... organic lies, untested treatments, mistreatment of animals and LOTS lots lots lots of manure. And, as it turns out, I have been putting all of this into my body for years. If my midsection were a stage and the curtains opened it would be a serious Rocky Horror production, most likely... (there's more after the giant egg)

Now, I am not trying to dictate or make generalizations on vegetarian lifestyles... MOBY, I am not and never will be... I am also completely aware that the VEGAN POLICE will consider my attempts to be pungent and wreaking of rotten garlic... But WHATEVS, I am just testing this out... I started on New Year's day after spending the days before gorging myself with the very cheese that I have become addicted to. Honestly, I have never been a dieter -- so having RULES is something new for me AND this will not be easy... but as I sit here on day 5 -- I am feeling a little bit lighter... Less PUFF, shall we say. And while I'm treating myself like a lab rabbit... I am looking for new things to eat, recipes, websites and cookbooks to try.... I'll try it all and then let you know the results... Recommend away before I waste away to nothing... Readers-O-Thisblog, PLEASE, DO TELL--I know you have the goods...

It is always nice to know that we have options.

Happy New Year!

So. I kind of know how to cook. It isn't unlike knowing how to design - you start out with an idea, you look for ingredients, sketching it out, you gather it all together and in the mixing bowl or cooker that parallels to Adobe Illustrator or Indesign, you make it all happen. Sometimes there is a learning curve in which you have to seek instruction from a cookbook or webex... Then there is the presentation and the guests/family members that parallel to clients get to tell you what they think. It is then up to you as the GRAND CREATOR to decide to take what you are told or perceive as being critical and either embrace or internalize for self incrimination. The difference, however, is that once a design is complete - its out there for the world to see and if you change it, the results can be detrimental. Cooking - one can really only improve on..

Most of my usual dishes are light versions of comfort-food cuisine.. Lately, however, I have been challenged to become good at something that I have rarely attempted before... BAKING. As it turns out, its not so easy... which is probably why BAKERS find themselves in an entirely different section of the culinary world. I can feel those of you that know me laughing. Yes. Patience is an issue here (as I put the frosting on before I bake). But, I am open to new things, and with Will and his food allergies, I am taking on the challenge..  And so... as I attempt to step into the circle (pie plate collection dusted off from my bridal shower) I sure could use ONE OF THESE:

That's right. The KITCHENAID ARTISAN STAND MIXER. Now you know I'm serious.

PS. Now taking sponsors.

Throwback posts:
Things Just Got Ugly
The Meat Eating Vegan
Chicken Again?

Like this ad. Now - go out, buy vodka and do something differently.

It has been a really long time since a print ad impressed me.

A few weeks ago For the Birds celebrated it's one year mark -- picture me sitting at the keyboard with a party hat on....vodka bottle rolling on the floor...  silly string still stuck to the monitor.. I mentioned in my post that FTB has built a following with over 20,000 site visitors. This is a rough estimate, because  -- come on, really. You don't think that I actually believe that 20,000+ of you are out there reading these almost daily observations... And thanks to all of the lovely comments that I received pointing this out. Side note, I am not that BOARING Ms. Kelly from Kentucky -- and although you don't know how to spell, I might have better things to do with my time but I choose to do this -- and if it's just not that interesting to you -- then STOP visiting. But, keep checking in if you must, I am into all things that depreciate. 

So, getting to the point, I do know -- thanks to those smart heads over at Feed Burner, that we do have a factual regular readership of 25 concrete, real-live people. That's right - a lovely and lucky 25. And to you I am calling out. In the next few days the following will be happening:

1. For the Birds will turn out the lights for a much needed beauty rest.
2. For the Birds will return, refreshed and better than ever--but only viewable at the new (still shiny) URL - http://forthebirdsblog.com
3. The old ugly domain http://designsigh.typepad.com/forthebirds will GO AWAY, so DON'T GO THERE
4. Those of you that have the old domain/URL in your readers, you will need to change to the new domain.
5. For the Birds will only be accessible from http://forthebirdsblog.com
6. This has very little to do with the evil birders over at forthebirds.com 

Unfortunately, I don't have specific timing on this event--otherwise I would fill you in. But the wheels are in motion. We've checked the logs, Batman, and will make a swift return... So, if you happen to be settling in for the evening, and pull up to FTB for some mild entertainment, please don't be alarmed if you receive some sort of error message or blank screen--We are still here... we are coming back--this has very little to do with the evil birders at forthebirds.com AND, the best is yet to come... More shameless self-promotion of multiple personality abundance -  I want you to know but I don't anxiety disorder...  have I mentioned most of us here are geminis? Any questions? Email me - rmsatbwdstudiodotcom.